一个人的聪明才智会在幽默的谈吐中闪光，并且会深深吸引他人。下面，小编给大家收集整理了搞笑儿童英语笑话集锦，增加幽默细胞，聪明的你一定会成为闪光点。
Abusinessmanentersatavern,sitsdownatthebar,andordersadoublemartiniontherocks.
Afterhefinishesthedrink,hepeeksinsidehisshirtpocket,thenheordersthebartendertoprepareanotherdoublemartini.Afterhefinishesthatone,heagainpeeksinsidehisshirtpocketandordersthebartendertobringanotherdoublemartini.
Thebartendersays,"Look,buddy,I'llbringyoumartinisallnightlong.Butyougototellmewhyyoulookinsideyourshirtpocketbeforeyouorderarefill."
Thecustomerreplies,"I'mpeekingataphotoofmywife.Whenshestartstolookgood,thenIknowit'stimetogohome."
Agentlemanwassittingquietlyinafirst-classcompartment.Twoladiesgotin.Oneofthemsawthatthewindowwasopenandsheshutitbeforesittingdown."Openitagain,"saidthesecondlady,"I'lldieofsuffocation(窒息，闷死)ifthereisnofreshair.""Iwon'topenit,"saidthefirstlady,"I'lldieofcoldifthewindowisopen."Aquerrelstarted,anditcontinueduntilthegentlemanspoke:"Let'shavethewindowshutuntilthisladyhasdiedofsuffocation,andthenwecanhaveitopenuntilthisladyhasdiedofcold.Afterthatitwillbeniceandquietinhereagain."
解决问题的好办法一位绅士正静静地坐在头等包厢里，有两位女士走了进来。其中一位见窗户开着，就在落坐之前把窗户“把窗户打开，”第二位女士说道，“如果没有新鲜空气，我会被憋死的。”“不能打开，”第一位说道，“如果它开着，我会被冻死的。”一场争吵开始，没完没了，直到那位绅士开口：“我们先让窗户关着，直到把这位女士憋死，然后再打开窗户，直到把这位女士冻死。那以后，这儿就可以恢复平静了。”
Alawyermarriedawomanwhohadpreviously1divorcedtenhusbands.
Ontheirweddingnight,shetoldhernewhusband,"Pleasebegentle,I'mstillavirgin2."
"What?"saidthepuzzledgroom3.
"Howcanthatbeifyou'vebeenmarriedtentimes?"
"Well,Husband#1wasasalesrepresentative:hekepttellingmehowgreatitwasgoingtobe.
Husband#2wasinsoftwareservices:hewasneverreallysurehowitwassupposedtofunction,buthesaidhe'dlookintoitandgetbacktome.
Husband#3wasfromfieldservices:hesaideverythingcheckedoutdiagnosticallybuthejustcouldn'tgetthesystemup.
Husband#4wasintelemarketing:eventhoughheknewhehadtheorder,hedidn'tknowwhenhewouldbeabletodeliver.
Husband#5wasanengineer:heunderstoodthebasicprocessbutwantedthreeyearstoresearch,implement5,anddesignanewstate-of-the-artmethod.
Husband#6wasfromfinanceandadministration:hethoughtheknewhow,buthewasn'tsurewhetheritwashisjobornot.
Husband#7wasinmarketing4:althoughhehadaniceproduct,hewasneversurehowtopositionit.
Husband#8wasapsychologist:allheeverdidwastalkaboutit.
Husband#9wasagynecologist:allhedidwaslookatit.
Husband#10wasastampcollector:allheeverdidwas...God!Imisshim!ButnowthatI'vemarriedyou,I'mreallyexcited!"
"Good,"saidthenewhusband,"but,why?"
"You'realawyer.ThistimeIknowI'mgonnagetscrewed!"
Ifyoureceiveane-mailwithasubjectlineof"Badtimes,"deleteitimmediatelyWITHOUTreadingit.ThisisthemostdangerousEmailvirusyet.
Itwillre-writeyourharddrive.Notonlythat,butitwillscrambleanydisksthatareevenclosetoyourcomputer.Itwillrecalibrateyourrefrigerator'scoolnesssettingsoallyouricecreammeltsandmilkcurdles.Itwilldemagnetizethestripsonallyourcreditcards,reprogramyourATMaccesscode,screwupthetrackingonyourVCRandusesubspacefieldharmonicstoscratchanyCDsyoutrytoplay.
Itwillgiveyourex-boy/girlfriendyournewphonenumber.Itwillmixantifreezeintoyourfishtank.Itwilldrinkallyourbeerandleaveitsdirtysocksonthecoffeetablewhenthere'scompanycomingover.
Itwillhideyourcarkeyswhenyouarelateforworkandinterferewithyourcarradiosothatyouhearonlystaticwhilestuckintraffic.
Badtimeswillmakeyoufallinlovewithahardenedpedophile.Itwillgiveyounightmaresaboutcircusmidgets.ItwillreplaceyourshampoowithNairandyourNairwithRogaine,allwhiledatingyourcurrentboy/girlfriendbehindyourbackandbillingtheirhotelrendezvoustoyourVisacard.
Itwillseduceyourgrandmother.Itdoesnotmatterifsheisdead,suchisthepowerofBadtimes,itreachesoutbeyondthegravetosullythosethingsweholdmostdear.
BadtimeswillgiveyouDutchElmdisease.Itwillleavethetoiletseatupandleavethehairdryerpluggedindangerouslyclosetoafullbathtub.Itwillwantonlyremovetheforbiddentagsfromyourmattressesandpillows,andrefillyourskimmilkwithwhole.Itisinsidiousandsubtle.Itisdangerousandterrifyingtobehold.Itisalsoaratherinterestingshadeofmauve.
这是一个：电脑新病毒的警告
如果你收到一封主题是“倒霉透了”的邮件时，立即删除千万不要阅读。这是迄今最为危险的邮件病毒。
它会重写你的硬盘，不止这些，还会损坏任何离你电脑很近的磁碟。重置你冰箱的制冷度数让好吃的冰淇淋全部化掉，牛奶也馊掉。它还会让你的所有信用卡磁条失效，更改你在自动提款机上取钱的密码，你录像机上的影像资料也会变得乱七八糟，它还利用子空间场谐波刮坏任何你想听的CD。
它还会把你的新电话号码告诉你的旧情人，把防冻剂注入到你的鱼缸里，它将喝光你所有的啤酒，然后，当有人上门的时候，将它的臭袜子留在茶几上。
当你迟到的时候它会藏起你的车钥匙，还会干扰你车内的音响系统，好让你在塞车的时候欣赏沙沙的静电声。
“倒霉透了”还会把你的洗发水换成脱毛膏，然后把你的脱毛膏换成生发液.还始终在你背后与你的现任情人幽会，用你的维萨信用卡支付他们的酒店浪漫费用。
它会色诱你的祖母，不管她在不在人世。这些都显示了此邮件的影响力，它就是这样毁掉了坟墓内外所有美好的事。
这个邮件会使你患上荷兰榆树病，它会让你的屁股永远放不到马桶座垫上，还会把电吹风插在放满水的浴缸旁边的插座上，它会肆意篡改枕头和床垫的禁止事项，把脱脂牛奶换成全脂牛奶。它躲在暗处，到处写满了它的危险和可怕，不过，它呈现的淡紫色到是相当有趣的。